Atashi
by Verona Madrid
Summary: Minako introspective. More chapters coming...


**Atashi**  
**Ash **2001/07/12

**Author Notes**:

It took me about half a year to actually complete the prologue (maybe 2-4 weeks collectively, but life gets in the way of creative endeavors) This taken into account, a succession of chapters probably won't be arriving quickly.  
This is not a fic written out of spite. I _do_ like Aino Minako.I cannot, however, accept her as a shallow blond. Throughout BSSMepisodes there was sporatic hinting at underlying unsettlements within her, her past, et cetera, and my goal is to play on those and draw her into situations where she simply _can't_ be a shallow blond. So maybe in that sense it's a fic to satisfy my inner hope that some people aren't as dumb as they seem.  
If my hope was a kitty, this would be tuna.

Begin prologue now.

* * *

**Prologue**  
_Good Bye, Good Morning_

It's morning. The sun is shining brightly in the sky, the birds outside are singing and the people seem happy. In fact, the whole world seems happy on nice mornings like this. People go on dates and out with their friends on days like today. Hardly anyone is stuck indoors, not even Ami-chan. Of course, she brings her books with her to study study study, but that's a different story altogether.

Yes, it's a lovely morning indeed, and all the world is happy.

I don't like mornings much. I remember when I was a child, I would wake up early to get a head start on my day. Every sunrise was like a promise of something great. I would feel the cheerfulness emanating from people around me and absorb it, my smile beaming like the sun. Too much has happened to me now for anything to look promising, let alone something as simple as a sunrise. I've lost the ability to see anything terrific in my near future.

Is it just because I'm older?

I'm not sure.

I sigh and break my gaze from my window and sit at my make-up table, looking in the mirror. I look at my smiling face, thinking. It betrays everything I think and feel, this well-practiced expression. It's almost like a mask. I too would be sometimes fooled by it if it weren't for my eyes. I can always see the sadness in my eyes that everyone else seems to miss, my false happiness drawing all the attention away from my true emotions. There is the occasional time I'll drop the charade slightly, though never enough to let anyone know how far the despair goes, how deep the pain runs. I'll always accredit it to trivial things, knowing they'll buy it in a flash. They always do.

I pick up my hairbrush and pull my blond hair into it's customary style with practiced ease. The red bow is crisp and tied just right; I don't see a single mistake. Perfect. The mirror never lies.

I see my expression falter a bit, realizing the truth in that statement.

My mother's calling me from downstairs.

I smile at myself in the mirror once more. Good. Not great, but good. At least I look passably joyful. I sigh and walk out into the hall, hearing the light shuffle of the name plate on my door as the pin clicks into place.

Standing there for a few seconds, I wonder if today will be any better than the last. Someone wise once said that the best part about being at the bottom is the lack of anywhere further to plummet to. I guess that means things will be looking up for me. One could only hope.

My mother calls again, this time impatiently. I guess she has to go to work soon or something. I never really took much interest in what she does, so I couldn't tell you where she goes and when. We never really got along, you know, but that's a different story altogether.

As I run down the stairs I call out to her as enthusiastically as possible. After all, I'm the kind of person who'd be enthusiastic about such a beautiful morning like this. Who wouldn't?

"Hai!!!"

I can't believe Usagi-chan was on time. Well, there's a first time for everything, I suppose.

We left my house a mere five minutes ago, and we're now strolling leisurely down the street. By my watch it seems we have 20 minutes until we have to meet Ami-chan at crown. Hm, I guess Usagi-chan was early then. I wonder what kind of torture her brother inflicted upon her in order to get her out of the house at such an early hour. It's a surprise she gets to school at all.

I'm listening to her chatter about her week to me. I haven't been around much lately, due to all the work my teachers have piled on me. I swear they have it in for me. Study group at Rei-chan's came and gone without me; I couldn't even spare the time it would take to transport my books there and back. Moreover, do you really think we get much work done at those meetings? Not including Ami-chan, of course. She's the exception to that particular rule.

Usagi-chan's talking about something that happened on her date with Mamoru-san yesterday. I'm not really paying as much attention as I could be, but then again a person can only listen to so much babble about boyfriends before they need to tune it out, especially if said person is single. Perpetually single. It's rather sad, actually. I, the goddess of love and beauty, have never had a boyfriend. Insanity, if you ask me. I'm much more attractive than half the girls I know, Usagi-chan included.  
That's a mean thing to say. I know that. But come on, if she were so goddamned wonderful she'd be the goddess of love and beauty, wouldn't she?  
Wouldn't she?

No, she wouldn't. She's fun, nice and sweet. She's extremely trusting and innocent. Everything boys would want in a steady, everything people would want in a friend. That's why she's popular, that's what she's sought after... That's why she's the future queen... but that's a different story altogether.

I can't be blamed for feeling like this sometimes. Usagi-chan's got it good and doesn't even notice it half the time. If she did though, she's be too busy thinking about it and not living it out, which would be a real shame. I guess that's what happened to me.

She's still talking about Mamoru-san. Truth be told, I had a crush on him a while back. I still kind of do, actually. I'm quiet about it of course; it simply wouldn't do to let the others know such a thing, especially with the candle Rei-chan still holds for the future king.

I don't really know why I like him. He's a bit old for my tastes now and he's not usually the kind of guy I go for. Motoki, now there's a guy. His hair, his smile, his kind nature... Mamoru-san has nothing compared to him.

Usagi-chan seems to love her "Mamo-chan" though. I can see now how her eyes light up as she recalls their most recent date, how the corners crinkle slightly and her cheeks color gently. Her voice fills with a childish glee that can only be matched by certain candy or video games. Who am I to judge if he keeps her happy?

Ah, now she's talking about Haruka-san and Michiru-san. It seems she bumped into them at crown a few days ago. It sure takes news a while to get back to me lately.  
I wonder if Haruka-san and Michiru-san have that kind of relationship. They sure seem perfect together. So cool, so mature, so beautiful... I hope one day I can have that perfect a relationship. I'd like to think I deserve it. For now I'm forced to chase boys around town, stalking them like the hormone-driven adolescent that I am. It's really childish and time-consuming, but I like it sometimes. It gets my mind off other things.  
You know, I don't really have much interest in Haruka-san as I did when I thought she was a man.

Really.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't even think that without cracking a smile. Such a blatant lie. I'm not sure why, but knowing her true gender doesn't keep me from flirting with her, from trying to catch her attention. Perhaps somewhere inside me I still think she's a man. Perhaps somewhere inside me I really don't care if she's a woman.

Is that strange?

Of course not.

Mako-chan feels the same way, I think. She passes it off as admiration or idolization. While I must admit that I do admire Haruka-san for her grace and charisma and all that, I don't think that's entirely it. I'm kind of confused...

I think I just see Haruka-san as another cute guy. Everyone does at first, you know. Well, except for Michiru-san, but that's a different story altogether.

Ten minutes to go. We're making good time, considering how Usagi-chan dawdles. By my estimate we'll be only a few minutes late, if any. That's okay. Ami-chan won't mind.  
You know, I sometimes wonder if Ami-chan does mind those kinds of things. She occasionally shows distaste for it, but not nearly as much as Rei-chan...

Now there's a strange girl. Rei-chan's one of Usagi-chan's best friends, but always acts as if she hates the blond princess. She complains a lot and has a real fiery temper with an extremely short fuse. I knew a girl like that in England whom everyone called a bitch. That's a harsh word to put to one of my friends. Too harsh, probably. Still, Rei-chan has her bad moments where I just want to slap her.

I think that's why Rei-chan will never be Usagi-chan's best friend. That title is taken by me, or at least I'd like to think so. I don't treat her in such a manner as Rei-chan does. I think if she were to act nicer she could easily rob me of my place in Usagi-chan's heart. So easily...

Not like that'll happen any time soon. People would much rather have blond ditzes as best friends than bitches, right? Hm, I guess it depends on the person choosing. I don't know what Usagi-chan would choose. Despite her mainly simple mind she can be rather confusing at times. Well, to me anyway. Maybe I'm not looking at things right.

Oh, she asked me a question. What? Am I going to attend the next study meeting at Rei-chan's? Wow, I don't know... I've got a lot of studying to do on my own. I really can't afford to go out today, but my mother and Mako-tachi insisted. I tell her so, and her face forms a slightly disappointed expression. She says that it's not like me to be so studious, but good luck anyway. Thank you, Usagi-chan. I'll try my best.

Now she's telling me the motives her and the other inner senshi have for inviting, no, dragging me out. It seems they were all worried about me. By the look in her eyes I can tell it's true, and I'm kind of surprised they cared. I shouldn't be; they are my friends, right? Friends care about their friends. Even about people like me...

It's times like this I feel bad about thinking the things I do. I could almost hit myself for it. I definitely wince at their caring eyes; eyes that burn through me and yet fail to discover all the less-than-flattering thoughts I have about everyone. It scares me sometimes to think that one day they'll find out what I think and feel, and then... then...

I don't know.

There she is! Ami-chan is waiting outside crown. We're only about a block away, so I can see her. Her short blue hair stands out in the crowd.

I don't know if she knows, but many people turn their heads as she walks by. I've seen it. If she does know, I don't think she wants to acknowledge it. She's so quiet; it's like she doesn't want to be noticed at all. It's too bad she's so shy; after all, she is rather pretty. Much prettier than Rei-chan, in my opinion.

Speaking of which, there's Rei-chan. I almost didn't see her there.

I know a fair chunk of the male population find Rei-chan to be an absolutely stunning vision of beauty and grace, but to me she looks kind of plain. Her clothes are pretty normal, she doesn't wear much makeup... I suppose her body is okay, from what I've seen of it, but other then that she's an average girl. Well, apart from being a senshi and a Shinto priestess. That's all a tad unordinary. I'll give her that.

I once read an article in a magazine discussing the possibility of using anger to disguise other emotions. Perhaps Rei-chan's the kind of person who had difficulty admitting when she likes a person, and thus is likely to be as some of the people talked of in that particular article. Although, a major contradiction to that train of thought is her feelings for Mamoru-san. She did deny it for a time, but the truth came out, as it usually does, and she avidly pursued him afterwards.

If she were the type to cover up her true feelings with anger, wouldn't she have denied it despite it all?

If not, then perhaps Rei-chan harbors some sort of romantic feelings towards Usagi-chan, and it's only a matter of time before she comes out and admits it.

Could it be?

That's silly. Rei-chan's not like that.

We're at the corner now, waiting for the traffic to slow so we can cross. Usagi-chan and I got to the corner not 15 seconds ago, but she's already bouncing slightly with impatience. It she always like this? I've never really noticed before. Maybe she's just excited.

To tell you the truth, I'm getting a bit impatient too, although I'm not showing it like she is.

This traffic sure is crazy today! I kind of wish this corner had a traffic light; it would make crossing a lot safer. My mother once told me she almost got into an accident here...

Oh, my shoe's untied. Of all the minor things... I bend over to tie it up quickly; I don't want to trip and fall on my face. That's Usagi-chan's specialty. Still, she has moments where she's rather graceful; there's a hint of the future queen of Crystal Tokyo in her even now.

Usagi-chan!

Where are you going?? Wait!

Oh, she ran out into the street! Well, there's not much traffic, but I'd better go after her just in case. You never know what could happen. Besides, she's the princess. Nothing can happen to the princess, no matter what.

Wait, Usagi-chan!

I run out into the street after her, a good five paces behind. She made it across easily enough; Thank heavens! She can be so careless sometimes. Relieved, I slow my pace somewhat. I scold her from the road, telling her she should be more careful, that a car could have been coming. Honestly.

Suddenly, the screeching of tires off to the right catches my attention, and in a flash of blue I see a sports car coming towards me at break-neck speed.

"Minako-chan! Abunai!! Minako-cha_aaa_an!!"

_aaaaand we move on to the next chapter. _


End file.
